Attention world!

I am wearing my green earrings.

Or rather, I wish I was. At the moment, they are sitting in a beautiful, slender pile of other silver and gold earrings, perched directly on top and waiting to be picked up and worn. I doubt they will.

See, my green earrings ....they are my current crush. I'm not going to tell you his name, so we are going to call him...Edwardo. Edwardo is wonderful, funny, sweet and gorgeous. That is a lot of positive things to say about one boy. I wish that I could pick him up, and then put him on just like I could my green earrings. Then he would be mine, for as long as I wanted him. Sure its selfish, but really, that is the only way to avoid getting hurt. Because then, when I want him he is mine, and I never have to put up with the pain of him not wanting me.

So they are sitting on my dresser right now, calling my name. They tell me to pick up the phone and call this wonderful, funny, sweet and gorgeous guy named Edwardo and convince him that I am the one he wants, simply because I have a pair of green earrings. Unfortunately for me, I've attempted to wear these green earrings twice today.

Both times they have twisted and sprung out unpleasantly from my ear. Perhaps unpleasantly is a little too nice a word. More like yanked themselves out with horrid pain and violent disgust and then thrown themselves across the room. Or at least thats what it felt like. I wanted to practically curl myself up in a ball and cry. Simply mortifying to have a pair of earrings refuse me.

It started with last night. A very dear friend spent an hour on IM with me convincing me that asking Edwardo out for a Coke was a simply FANTASTIC idea. Easily done. We were meant for each other, it was sure to work out. Just to talk about anything, and then tell him how I feel. I was terrified, to put it quite frankly. To tell a guy how I felt, just like that, straightforward, no dancing around, just...facts?

Probably the easiest way to talk to a boy. You know, with facts and no drama?

But there is absolutely no way I could manage it without being stupid.

So I managed it...and looked absolutely completely stupid.

Here is the story.

Target. Me. Leggings and two bras and a preschool nap mat. And a phone. And a missed lunch date.

So me and my brillant cell and I decide to call up Edwardo, using the fact that I had passed his male bikini as an excuse. Then stumbling and not making any sense, here is the conversation -

"Hey, whats up?"

"Not much, whats up with you?"

"Just at target, running an errand for my mom. I have to pick up a napmat."

"Cool."

"So hey, if you aren't doing anything, my lunch date cancelled, and well, we had a good time the other day, and if you wanted to, you know, get to gether and have a coke or something cause I'm way bored, we could-" - STUTTER STUTTER STUTTER

"I'm in Dallas with my mom." - BEAT.

"Oh, well, okay, bye." - INSERT EAGERNESS TO HANG UP AND AVOID AWKWARD REJECTION TALK

"Uh...o...kay?" - INSERT OBVIOUS WEIRDED OUTNESS.

"What?" - INSERT DESPERATION AND REALIZATION OF MY STUPIDITY

"Right. well, whatever, I'll talk to you later." - AWKWARD

"Kay, bye." - THANK GOD!

Mix into all of this that I have been walking in very fast circles around the maternity isles of Target, and you have a very bad, very awkward, and utterly mortified me.

But apparently I am a glutton for punishment.

-Six hours later-

"Hey pookie bear, want to go to the movies?" - another male friend.

"Sure, what are you going to see?" - me.

"The Innnnvvaaassiooon...."

"Uh....I'll let you know later.

-twenty minutes and a pep talk later from another friend -

"Hey (Edwardo)? I know you are in Dallas and everything, but some friends asked if I wanted to see a movie tonight but they are seeing a scary one and I really don't like seeing those by myself..."

"What scary movie? The Invasion?"

-Jaw drop-

"Yea!"

"Yea I know, I'm seeing it right now."

"Oh."

"I'm going into the movies now, so I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Right."

-click.-

Two strikes, and I think I'm already out.

Yeah. I'm a glutton for punishment, and I'm trying too hard. But I can't help it. I'm not the kind of girl to sit around and crush on a guy for years. I want to know if he is interested. Right now. If he's not, cool. I'll get over him. But heaven forbid I sit around moping at my house wishing and praying he liked me, looking at the pictures of us together and wishing that they meant more than just a curtain call and some stage make-up.

That's what I've been doing.

And its got to stop. Please?

So I'm done I've decided. If he likes me, its his turn now. If he doesnt...well, at least I've saved myself to mortification of ever telling him face to face. And then a few weeks from now, I'll find another pair of earrings, and try them on.

Jay