Not my Day

Today....has not been my day.

It hasn't been particularly bad. Edwardo said we should go out and get starbucks together during early release next week. I went bowling - and didn't lose. I played Skip-bo. I made plans for tomorrow.

But...my usual luck has just not been on my side today.

Reason 1 - I recieved an ugly Coach purse from my step-mother. I decide to take it back, and perhaps get a new wallet instead.

From the hoighty toighty and disdainful woman at the counter, I learn that not only do I have an ugly Coach purse, I have a FAKE ugly Coach purse.



Reason 2 - I have rediscovered these wonderful little delicacies called Oatmeal Creme Pies - but more importantly, the kind that taste good, but only have 100 calories!

I reach in to snack on one and make myself feel better after the purse incident...and pull out one of the plastic packages. To find it empty. Sealed, but empty as my wallet.



Reason 3 - My sister goes to visit the restroom. The little darling comes out yelling, "Somebody didn't flush!!!" I check. I flush. Nothing. Yanking the plunger from next to the bathtub, I thrust it inward expectantly.

*insert explosion of CRAP*



Its not like it was a particularly BAD day.

Just...a bad mojo/karma day. Or at least I would say if I believed in all of that.

I simply cannot WAIT to see what is going to happen at work tonight.

Finished.

I don't think I'm going to ever get married. I'd like to, of course. But I don't think I will. Why? Simply because I don't like trusting someone so deeply, so completely...and with something so vulnerable as your heart, your very soul. I can't bring myself to do that.

I'm like the dumb girl in the romance novel, the one who has this gorgeous, wonderful Prince Charming at her fingertips, running after her with a bouquet of roses, but she turns and gets on the plane anyway, leaving him "forever".

Only, in my story...she does leave forever.

And goes on with her life, doing the things she feels God has called her to, living life to the fullest, and loving the people that go in and out of her life, trusting her friends with the little things, but no one with everything. Its dangerous, she thinks. And it is.

I have a problem with crushes. You know, those little flutters where you think you like a boy, you like being with him, thinking about him, the way he makes you smile and "accidently" touches your arm.

I get them occasionally.

But by the end...I talk myself out of them. Nothing is worth getting my heart broken for. If I don't have a date to the dances I enjoy so much because of it, so what? If I go to prom with...me, myself and I, so what? Dating is overrated. Loving someone is beautiful, but I'll stick with a maternal, or sisterly kind of love.

The second I think I have a crush - I do my best and obsess over finding out whether it will work or not. I refuse to waste any of my time just, mooning over this boy. Eventually, when I've flirted or spied my fill, I move on. I feel a great sense of relief that it is over, this horrible, horrible thing called a "crush". Why is it called a "crush" ? Because it "crushes" you.

Basically.

I'm not pessimistic, just realistic.

I'm done with Edwardo, because he doesn't like me. Period. End of Story. The End.

Fabulous?

She wants FABULOUS
She needs a little Fabulous
Is that so wrong?

I want FABULOUSSSSSS!

Yeah Anyways. I like that song!

I think I definitely overdid it yesterday with the whole, double phone call thing. I feel like he's been completely ignoring me, but again, I have another feeling that tells me I'm overthinking it. Again. Miserable isn't it?

Workshop tomorrow, so I think I'm going to bed. I need sleep to deal with all of those little sophomores. I'm SOOO excited.

Not.

Night guys

Jay

Horoscope?

I usually don't give these things any credit what so ever. None at all. But....alright, so I do check them occasionally just for the heck of it, to see what those crazy astrologers can come up with next, just for thrills.

This was my weekly horoscope.

"Venus, the planet of love and abundance, continues her retrograde path through your first house. For two years you've been refined by Saturn and you can clearly see the very bright light at the end of the tunnel. This week, the Sun, Mercury, Venus and Saturn cluster in opposition of Neptune in revolutionary Aquarius. Your seventh house of relationships is illuminated with truth and love. Big dreams lead to magnificent realities!"

Two years ago, this week, I broke up with my last boyfriend.

And Edwardo has been the most important crush I've had for a while. Not that I really think that any of this is true....but it certainly bodes well doesn't it? ^_^ Definitely gave me chills and really scared me when I realised that. Especially the whole "two years" thing. Just WAY too weird for me.

Who knows what the rest of the week holds?

Jay

Attention world!

I am wearing my green earrings.

Or rather, I wish I was. At the moment, they are sitting in a beautiful, slender pile of other silver and gold earrings, perched directly on top and waiting to be picked up and worn. I doubt they will.

See, my green earrings ....they are my current crush. I'm not going to tell you his name, so we are going to call him...Edwardo. Edwardo is wonderful, funny, sweet and gorgeous. That is a lot of positive things to say about one boy. I wish that I could pick him up, and then put him on just like I could my green earrings. Then he would be mine, for as long as I wanted him. Sure its selfish, but really, that is the only way to avoid getting hurt. Because then, when I want him he is mine, and I never have to put up with the pain of him not wanting me.

So they are sitting on my dresser right now, calling my name. They tell me to pick up the phone and call this wonderful, funny, sweet and gorgeous guy named Edwardo and convince him that I am the one he wants, simply because I have a pair of green earrings. Unfortunately for me, I've attempted to wear these green earrings twice today.

Both times they have twisted and sprung out unpleasantly from my ear. Perhaps unpleasantly is a little too nice a word. More like yanked themselves out with horrid pain and violent disgust and then thrown themselves across the room. Or at least thats what it felt like. I wanted to practically curl myself up in a ball and cry. Simply mortifying to have a pair of earrings refuse me.

It started with last night. A very dear friend spent an hour on IM with me convincing me that asking Edwardo out for a Coke was a simply FANTASTIC idea. Easily done. We were meant for each other, it was sure to work out. Just to talk about anything, and then tell him how I feel. I was terrified, to put it quite frankly. To tell a guy how I felt, just like that, straightforward, no dancing around, just...facts?

Probably the easiest way to talk to a boy. You know, with facts and no drama?

But there is absolutely no way I could manage it without being stupid.

So I managed it...and looked absolutely completely stupid.

Here is the story.

Target. Me. Leggings and two bras and a preschool nap mat. And a phone. And a missed lunch date.

So me and my brillant cell and I decide to call up Edwardo, using the fact that I had passed his male bikini as an excuse. Then stumbling and not making any sense, here is the conversation -

"Hey, whats up?"

"Not much, whats up with you?"

"Just at target, running an errand for my mom. I have to pick up a napmat."

"Cool."

"So hey, if you aren't doing anything, my lunch date cancelled, and well, we had a good time the other day, and if you wanted to, you know, get to gether and have a coke or something cause I'm way bored, we could-" - STUTTER STUTTER STUTTER

"I'm in Dallas with my mom." - BEAT.

"Oh, well, okay, bye." - INSERT EAGERNESS TO HANG UP AND AVOID AWKWARD REJECTION TALK

"Uh...o...kay?" - INSERT OBVIOUS WEIRDED OUTNESS.

"What?" - INSERT DESPERATION AND REALIZATION OF MY STUPIDITY

"Right. well, whatever, I'll talk to you later." - AWKWARD

"Kay, bye." - THANK GOD!

Mix into all of this that I have been walking in very fast circles around the maternity isles of Target, and you have a very bad, very awkward, and utterly mortified me.

But apparently I am a glutton for punishment.

-Six hours later-

"Hey pookie bear, want to go to the movies?" - another male friend.

"Sure, what are you going to see?" - me.

"The Innnnvvaaassiooon...."

"Uh....I'll let you know later.

-twenty minutes and a pep talk later from another friend -

"Hey (Edwardo)? I know you are in Dallas and everything, but some friends asked if I wanted to see a movie tonight but they are seeing a scary one and I really don't like seeing those by myself..."

"What scary movie? The Invasion?"

-Jaw drop-

"Yea!"

"Yea I know, I'm seeing it right now."

"Oh."

"I'm going into the movies now, so I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Right."

-click.-

Two strikes, and I think I'm already out.

Yeah. I'm a glutton for punishment, and I'm trying too hard. But I can't help it. I'm not the kind of girl to sit around and crush on a guy for years. I want to know if he is interested. Right now. If he's not, cool. I'll get over him. But heaven forbid I sit around moping at my house wishing and praying he liked me, looking at the pictures of us together and wishing that they meant more than just a curtain call and some stage make-up.

That's what I've been doing.

And its got to stop. Please?

So I'm done I've decided. If he likes me, its his turn now. If he doesnt...well, at least I've saved myself to mortification of ever telling him face to face. And then a few weeks from now, I'll find another pair of earrings, and try them on.

Jay