Slow Going

I shouldn't have expected a miraculous complete turn around in my life. A complete 180, from one kind of life, to a new kind of life. That's what I thought I would get, but somehow, I haven't. Shocker.

I'm still struggling with that one problem of mine. Once a week, usually on Saturday night. I've a craving for it that is despicable, and more than anything, I need prayer. I need prayer more than I need to breathe at this point I think, because it happens even before I think to pray and by that time I am lost...and can't pull myself back. I make up excuses like - oh one more time won't hurt. I've already lost this particular battle, so I might as well lose extravagantly. I've got to get control of this, but I can feel it even now, tugging at the back of my mind, and I know I'll do it again. How come I can't just...win this? I've been fighting this battle since the 8th grade! Will it take another year of my life to get under control?? I don't want to waste any more of my time with it...But I still struggle to make my decision a permanent one.

On a different note, I've been doing a little better in other areas of my life. I've tried to have some kind of prayer / Bible study time during my day, usually in the mornings, and that has been moderately successful. At least I start my day feeling a little more in tune with God and myself anyway.

Its the sixth week I think, of the 1st six weeks. I had the first four under control, the fifth spiraled away from me, and now I'm getting it back on track. Goodness gracious this has been tough. (That's another thing I've been trying to work on - language)

Anyway, keep me in your prayers. I'm trying, really I am. Well...yeah. I'm trying.

Is it bad if there is an unspoken "but" at the end of that sentence back there?

:-(